This is not a commandment with an explicit resultant blessing, but paying attention to it pays off great dividends in our relationships. If we make our relationship our god, and follow humanity (boyfriend or girlfriend, spouse, or even our self) more intently than– or to the exclusion of The Lord, we are bound to be let down. In a military spouse context, we can just get beaten down by the separation, the not knowing, and the horrific lies and other disingenuous acts of those around us. Focusing on God helps us rise above all that.
We can, by our will, direct our lives right at another person or persons. Even if the object of our desire reciprocates, we are bound for an intense collision, but what happens after that? We cannot stay in one place, any more than the object of our desires can. We continue on a trajectory that will bring us apart. If they do not reciprocate or even if they only partly do, we are in for a lifetime of pursuit of a human being that will change and let us down. What if one falls in love with one’s-self? I was a young man when I realized I consistently fail to live up to my own standards, let alone God’s; and I was left trying to explain myself to me.
Our children learn from watching us, not so much from what we tell them. If we despise our situation, our spouse, our relationship with God, our self, or even the kids; they’ll know it and that is what they’ll grow into. On the contrary, showing them we are more in love with them than we are with God, our self, or our spouse is detrimental to their development as young believers and young people learning to have a balanced life. We need, wherever our spouses are, to let our kids know we are more committed to God and the spouse than we are to the kids. They need to know God values us more than they do. We are God’s favorite child, not our children’s doormat. We are here to serve, but not to suffer their abuse. They are wired to usurp any and all of our other relationships so that we can serve them. Being made in the image of God, our kids are jealous of our love and will move heaven and earth to co-opt it from wherever else we direct it. I think of my then two-year-old Eliana, who learned to grab my chin and pull my face around to look at her so she knew she had my attention when she wanted to talk to me. It was endearing and delightful, but when I was in prayer or conversation with Cassie, she had to learn to wait for my attention. This is a small metaphor for a concept parents know well about the little tyrants that are their sweet bundles of joy. Could it be that the evil one would even use our beautiful children to rip us from the two other most important relationships we have? How much easier would he use a life of service to the country involving deployments and separation?
God values us much more than even we can. My self-concept and self estimation is much lower than God’s knowledge of what I am and can be. The world sees us as how much we can contribute to a household’s bottom financial line. God sees us as favorite children and agents for redemption of the world through His Son. A well-to-do household cannot redeem a soul. A parent raising a child/children in the way of The Lord is answering their highest calling. (Required reading: “Family Driven Faith” by Voddie Baucham) How important is it to demonstrate to our children that we are as valuable as God sees us?
Only when we focus our lives on an immovable object can we truly focus and go through the winds, waves, rocks, and shoals on any kind of even keel. Ships have the North Star or Southern Cross. We have Jesus. He gives us the momentum and structural integrity to go through whatever life throws at us. Like Peter stepping out of the boat, as long as our eyes are on Him, we can walk on the water and not founder in the storms of life. When I learned that Cassie was committed to a life growing nearer to God, it assured me that we were compatible. For all the differences in our lives, we were both heading in the same direction. It is a geometry lesson like a triangle where the two bottom angles are moving nearer to the top. We would necessarily get closer to each other as we grew nearer to our common goal.
Again and again this has played itself out in our marriage as we let one another down (OK, mostly it is I who lets her down…) and pick up the pieces to get on to the next day together. In our individual commitments to Him, God has carried us over rocky ground and bridges we didn’t think we wanted to cross to the path we now walk together. We have a lovely growing brood of children and anticipate growing closer together yet as we get younger and younger at heart, and longer and longer of tooth. She is more beautiful today than when we met, and much a more delightful conversationalist and companion. I cannot wait to spend each day with her in my arms. That day will come, by the grace of God…
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